Losing the Battle

Writers Write

That's the thing I hear from every blog or how-to or article about writing. How do I become a writer? WRITE.

I consider myself a writer. I certainly don't make money at it, but is that really the litmus test? I have four rejection letters. I'm saving them. I have finished stories. I have (lots of) unfinished stories. I write. I'm a writer. But a lot of times, I don't write anything. Lately I haven't been. There are too many other things to do. There is Netflix. There is Steam. I still haven't finished the Scrivener tutorial. I have a new laptop that still doesn't have my music library set up quite to my liking. Sometimes, it's too hard to sacrifice other things to impale myself upon the empty screen. Sometimes... I even dread it. These other things are excuses.

My latest project is something I came into with a lot of enthusiasm. I love new projects, because they're shiny and new. So full of promise. Oh man, this is my best idea yet. But then I settle in. It turns out maybe it doesn't work the way I thought at first. I need to rethink some of this. Then it becomes a chore. It feels like work. I don't really want to tonight. Or the next night. Or the next. Then I dread it. My story has sat alone, unloved. It resents me now. I'll get nowhere.

It's a little like a relationship. At first, you're smitten. The other person can do no wrong. Everything is cute, or brilliant. They are perfect. You are better when you are with them. After awhile though, you notice things. There are imperfections. You're calling me again? What for? I just saw you this afternoon. Do you have to chew like that? Oh... you don't like Star Wars? I think I'm going out with my friends tonight. Yeah, I'll see you tomorrow. Sorry I didn't call. I forgot.

The main difference being that this story isn't another living, breathing person with feelings to consider. It's a collection of words on a page, and you can ignore it with impunity. It won't get mad, or judge, or talk about you behind your back. But it is still there. Alone. Waiting. And you know it's there. You made it. And now you're neglecting it. Playing a ten-year-old video game into the wee hours. Watching cartoons. It notices. It knows.

It's difficult to get over this self-defeating cycle. Thusfar, I haven't succeeded except with short stories. Because they're short, you see. I have yet to complete a longer piece. 8,000 words is my record for a finished story. I don't count my one NaNo "win" because it isn't finished and likely never will be. I need to trudge on through the tough part.

So what do I do? I go online and ramble on about my neglected story guilt. Why? Catharsis? Validation? Madness? Who knows? Who cares? I'm writing something again, even if it's this. Enjoy my neurosis.

Here's my favorite cat gif.

Again!?

Two! Two rejections! [Thunder crashes]

Ah-ah-ahhhh!

So what happened?

Well, this time was the same a the first time. It didn't really sting. "No" is never what you want to hear, but admittedly I aimed pretty high. I fired off a story that I wrote in a couple days to a pretty well-known sci-fi publication. Once again, it was a polite "didn't work for me, but try it out elsewhere" which is a nice sentiment if it isn't a template. I didn't really expect to make it, but it felt like everything clicked with this one and I thought, why not go for it? I'm glad to have gotten some encouragement even in rejection. In my head though, I imagine that some people can be pretty psychotic when they get rejected.

I used to watch American Idol as a guilty pleasure, more so for the freak show that is the first several episodes. I couldn't believe that some of those people could be so deluded that they come completely unglued at being told 'no'. I have since found out that reality shows aren't as real as they pretend to be, (I know, right!?) and they hand-pick the crazies to get them on the air for ratings. I almost feel dirty for having contributed in any capacity. I never did call in to vote though.

No, William. She does not "bang".

Anyway, I imagined the insane response letters that the poor fellow must have gotten over the years. The arguing, the indignation, the (I hesitate to use the term) butthurt. I hate to think it, but I feel like he has to be as diplomatic as possible. Even if he hated my story, (there's no way he would though because it is a work of genius inspired by the Gods themselves) he can't just write a rejection that says, "your story arranged words in such a fashion that caused cancer in myself and everyone here. Please stop writing for the good of yourself and those around you." I'm sure he would have loved to write something like that on at least one occasion, but you can't be like that. It just invites more hate mail. 

This is part of why I don't like sending my stuff to friends for beta reading. With the exception of one or two folks, I know that most of what I'm going to hear is positive, no matter what. "I loved it!" and "Great job!!!!1" are nice to hear, and there's nothing wrong with cheerleading. The problem is that I am looking for what doesn't work. I need to hear the bad or I can't fix it. Now, this man is not an editor. It's not his job to critique my work, just to see if it's right for his magazine (which it totally is, he's just too blind to my genius to realize what a gem he had on his hands). So I don't expect criticism from submitting.

I guess what I'm trying to say is I need a critique partner. Any takers?

I'm totally open to criticism, I swear.

Not Writing is OK Sometimes...

I haven’t been writing for very long. The first time I even attempted to write a story in my adult life was sometime in 2009. Through most of that time, I just went ahead and tried to write a story. That was it. I didn’t think about structure, or conflict, or anything. I just went ahead and did what I thought needed to be done. I went on instinct.

It turns out, you can do it that way. There are people who can just write a good story. I am not so sure I’m one of those people.

Wait, what?

For the rest of us, there are lots of places to go to learn about these things. There are unlimited sources on the internet, many of which don’t cost you anything. You don’t even need to leave the house. Chuck Wendig’s blog Terrible Minds is a great one. He has terrific series of “25 things” posts about writing, ranging from specific advice about crafting your story, to work habits, to just general advice for writers. He also routinely has writing prompts and exercises to keep those writing muscles limber (see the last blog post before this one).

See Illustration.

Another great source, and one I’ve not found an equal to, is the podcast Story Wonk Sunday. Lani and Alastair’s podcast has been around for as long as I have been writing, but I only just came across it last fall. Theirs is unique because it covers all story telling in its various forms. Not just novels, but also film, TV, even internet shows and video games. If it tells a story, then the “wonks” are all over it. I spent a good deal of time devouring their back catalog and have learned more about storytelling from them in a few months than I ever thought I’d know. I also leaned what a "wonk" is.

A "wonk" in its natural habitat.

Anyway, this is as much a pep talk for myself as it is an infodump. I haven’t written in several days on account of being sucked down the rabbit hole of World of Warcraft once again, but I am always thinking about story, and always working out the next thing in my head. Listening to podcasts and reading blogs about story keeps it in my head and helps me fill the reservoir.

Make sure you at least check out these two, Terrible Minds and Story Wonk. The latest episode Of Story Wonk features Lani and Alastair discussing a very interesting and insightful listener email from yours truly geeking out about Adventure Time. Be sure to listen because of reasons.

Chuck's Ten Different Ways

The guy, the man, the dude, everyone's favorite writer's writer, Chuck Wendig posted a Writing exercise in his Terribleminds.com blog. You can find that post here.

Because I just had lunch, and was in a moderate amount of discomfort, I decided to participate while expressing my very real feelings.

This is the result. Enjoy.

I Just ate Indian food for the first time. It Feels like my stomach is a cement mixer. Like someone prepped the inside of my nose for wallpaper. Like I drank some experimental rocket fuel. Like my insides were replaced by a pile of samosas. Like my tongue is in the hair club for men. Like I’m the guinea pig for a new line of curry flavored body wash. Like oh God, the cement is hardening. Like the sobbing after a bad high school breakup ended only a moment ago. Like the sulphurous depths of a very real Christian hell annexed a part of my esophagus. Like… like I’m full.

Send help.

The Grand Rejection

I knew this day would come.

With submissions, come rejections. The two go together like peas and carrots. I hate peas. Like Tom and Jerry. Like Cadbury Creme Eggs and Easter. I frickin love Cadbury Creme Eggs. What I don't love is rejection.

Oh God yes.

I was afraid, when I first started finishing things and sending them out into the world with their little bindle sticks over their shoulders, hopping boxcars out into the interwebs, that when (not if, but when) I got my first rejection it would flatten me. I was afraid that rejection would send me into a doubt spiral like that whirlpool at the end of The Little Mermaid. I was afraid of listening to The Smiths and dying my hair black and painting my fingernails black and wearing black skinny jeans. Black like the depths of my sorrow.

I'm so dark.

 Mostly, I was afraid that being rejected would make me stop writing.

You know what? It wasn't that bad. What I got yesterday was a form letter rejection. I won't say the name of the press because I'm sure they are a fine organization. I have no problem with them. Are you ready to have your heart ripped out and shown to you still beating? All right, here it comes. Brace yourselves.

Hi Ian,

Thank for your submission of "Magician's Helper." Unfortunately we don't think this piece is right for [Name of Ezine] at this time.

We encourage you to submit to future issues, such as the upcoming [Future Themes] issues. We also suggest that you subscribe to our newsletter for updates on future calls for submissions. 

Thank you,

The [Name of Ezine] Team

Pretty horrible right? What unbelievable assholes.

I was afraid that a rejection letter would tear a hole in my very soul, but it turned out to be nothing but a polite "no thanks." I guess I don't really know what I was expecting, but definitely I wasn't expecting it to feel so unimportant, so casual, so... polite. There was no insulting my work, no criticism of my style, no "yo momma so fat" jokes. There was no resentment, no chip on my shoulder, no "I can't believe you don't appreciate my genius" rant. It was just kind of like... meh. *shrug*. I gave my story a quick run through a spellcheck filter, patted its little behind, and sent it off to another press.

He'll get there eventually.

It wasn't that I didn't care, or wasn't disappointed, but it wasn't this life-shattering thing that I was afraid of. It was no big deal. I'm glad, because it promises to happen a lot. A LOT. So the less I fear it, or let it keep me down, the better I'll be. I'm glad they rejected me, because now I don't fear it. The band-aid has been ripped off. 

One last thing. I would like to point out the obviousness of their form letter. My name, and the title of my story are in a slightly smaller font. So there, jerks at [Name of Ezine]. I've seen through your ruse. I AM SMARTER THAN ALL OF YOU!

No, they aren't jerks.

Well, they could be. I don't really know them. They might be jerks. Who is to say?

Handcuff Your Inner Editor to the Radiator

There's this thing in storytelling called the inciting incident. If by some chance you're not familiar, that would be the initial trouble that starts the real action in the story. It's the Terminator showing up nude in a bubble of energy. It's Gandalf knocking on Bilbo Baggins's door. It's whatever in the heck was happening in Suckerpunch.

I don't know what this is about, but I like it.

It's the things that starts the story off, and it is generally good practice to have this stuff as close to the beginning of the story as possible. This is especially true in a short story. That is what I'm writing currently, and I have still not reached my inciting incident. 

A short story is generally 3,500 to 5,000 words. They could be longer or shorter, but most online magazines, or "EZINES" as the kids are calling them, are asking for somewhere between those numbers. That is not a lot of space for character development. Most inciting incidents in short stories tend to happen right away, or maybe even have already happened before the first sentence is read. These type of stories start "in medias res" which is latin for "Yo, it already happened, we're doing it now, get with the program."

Or something like that.

In my current story, I am 1,300 words in, and my main characters are still bantering back and forth and not doing much of anything. They are still kind of feeling each other out. I'm still figuring out who they are. Now, on the one hand, I'm screaming "AGHAD 1300 WORDS AND NOTHING IS HAPPENING THIS IS THE WORST STORY EVAR!" But, on the other hand, I know that this is a first draft. This can be eleventy billion words long if I want it to, so long as I take the best four or five thousand and distill them down into a nice, tight story. My inner editor wants to hack away all the non-essential stuff (read: all of it) before I've even gotten to the inciting incident. I've got to tell him, woah, slow down buddy. This is a process. I've got to figure these characters out. This isn't being live-streamed. Put that down. No... NO. BACK OFF! OW! MY ARM!

Did I mention my inner editor is Toshiro Mifune?

You can't write and edit at the same time, or you'll go insane. You'll keep going back and re-writing stuff that doesn't matter, or you'll lose things you might need later. You gotta keep that inner editor at bay. Tie him up. Duct tape him to the ceiling. Just write. Write everything. Write all of the words. Don't be afraid to write crap. You're not carving a story in ivory, it can be taken out and fixed later. It's better to have more than you need and cut the crap then to have not enough and stretch it to fit crap and all. This may seem obvious to anyone who's been doing this for any length of time, but this is as much for me as anyone. I don't want to be a hypocrite in not following my own advice.

So, I keep writing. I'm 1,300 words in and I don't have a story yet, but that's ok. I just have to keep going and not look back. 

He's... he's right behind me, isn't he?

Bee and Puppycat Yes Yes Yes

This is pretty much my favorite thing on the internet. Go ahead and watch it. I'll wait...

Right? RIGHT!? I can't even... I don't... guh...

Anyways... This is from Natasha Allegri, whose awesome Tumblr is here.

She also works on the Cartoon Network show Adventure Time, which is also really great.

The End.